One of THOSE stories...

I opened the drawer of running clothes this afternoon and pulled out a pair of those old shorts that are too small, just to see if I had come any closer at all to being able to get them up over my huge arse. Well, I wiggled and I squirmed and lo and behold with a little effort, I got them on. They were still pretty tight but they got the ok from DW and I was pleased. I thought I probably wouldn't be able to get them off so as long as I've got them on, I may as well go run, right? I had to take DD into town to spend the night at her cousin's so I headed over to the park after dropping her off.

I was thinking all morning that I sure don't feel like I did a long run yesterday. I felt GREAT!!! It may have something to do with the hour and a half massage I got yesterday afternoon, a Christmas present I never used until this weekend. Anyway, I didn't want to wake up tomorrow and wonder again if I worked hard enough. So, I decided I'd REALLY do an long run. I set out to run the whole loop. Not worried about pace at all. I just wanted to make it all the way around.

I did some stretching (not much for fear I'd rip my shorts) and then headed out. It was about 90-something degrees and I was sweating like, well, like everyone else. I kept a steady slooooooow pace according to the Garmin. The only time I stopped was to get water. And don't think I didn't get water EVERY chance I had.

Here's where the story turns into one of those stories. Please beware. I'm going to give you ample warning to back out of this one. So, have your mouse ready.

...I've been on a diet, right? Well, actually more of a lifestyle change.

...my nutrition has changed drastically over the last two weeks.

...I've been getting plenty of veggies, right?

...but, the past couple of days, I've been feeling a little constipated. (Now's your chance to close your browser.)

...this morning before church, I decided to take a couple Dulcolax, a mild cleanse if you will.

...this afternoon, at about mile 1.8, I was painfully reminded that this morning before church, I had a couple Dulcolax.

...Yes, it hit me on the back side of the Memorial loop (no pun intended), as far from my car as I could possibly be.

...The tennis center is closed. Then men's bathroom was so messed up, it was not usable. The port-a-potty's were at the end of a couple day's use and really not an option for what I needed. So, I got in the car and just tried to make it home.

Now, every one of these stories I've ever been able to make it to the end of (again, no pun intended), has ended with a "just-in-the-nick-of-time, I made it" or "another few minutes and it would have been ugly." Well, my story didn't have such a happy ending...

I just can't continue. It's too painful. And if you've made it this far, I have serious concerns about your sanity. Ok, ok! I'll tell you the ending (no pun intended). Let me see, how can I put this? I don't want to be too graphic but I want to capture the conclusion accurately for any of you that made it this far. Ok, here it goes...

...I almost made it.

The end. (No pun...well, you get it.)