Sunday, June 22, 2008

It's downright nice out

I must say that the last couple of mornings have been almost pleasant. Good week to start exercising.

This will be short and sweet. I did some walking this morning. DW isn't helping things much as she made my favorite chicken and dumplings for lunch. It was the the 6 year old's birthday party so the family came over for lunch and I wasn't prepared. Next time, I need to plan ahead and make something healthy for myself to eat while everyone else eats what they eat.


Saturday, June 21, 2008

I see the light!

Well, I spent some time this afternoon reading through old blog posts. I started at the beginning. The first blog post. That was almost 3 years ago. With just an ounce of character and a little stick-to-it-ed-ness, I surely wouldn't find myself sitting here today in just as bad a shape as I was when I started running in 2004. I'm afraid this is my last chance. My last chance to get this done...Once and for all! If I don't go all the way this time, I'm not sure I ever will.

So, my project at work is over. It'll be official Tuesday or Wednesday this week. It has been quite a ride. So, this week starts my new life. It's gonna be wierd having 4-8 extra hours in a day to do the things I need to do, the things I should have been doing this past year, the things I have to do. This weekend's been a good start. I got up and ran this morning and had a good breakfast. I'm still very tired from the past month or two. I think it's going to take a bit of a recovery period before I'm back in balance.

That's all for now. See you at the track.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Holy crap! When will it end

I just finished a 90 hour work week. Now, today, I'm going on 13 hours. It's stopping tomorrow. No more putting out fires. If it ain't getting done in a 10 hour shift, it ain't getting done.

I promise. I'll be back real soon.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

The last mile

I'm down to the final mile of the marathon that is Pathnet Millennium, the project I've been working on for 25.2 miles, uh, I'm mean 2 years. Although I take full responsibility for my weight gain and fall into the abyss of an unhealthy lifestyle, this job, this project has taken its toll on my life. It's worn me down. It's caused me to lose focus on what's important. And I'm basically a stress eater. Let's face it. Plain and simple, I have an eating disorder. And the stress from this project has been HUGE. Now, I guess, I'M HUGE!!! :) But it's all coming to an end. In 4 days, we are flipping the switch and we'll be LIVE. Although it's been hard and my team has sacrificed much, I'm very proud of what we have accomplished. This was one of those projects where all along the way, THEY said it couldn't be done. Right up until just recently, all you could hear were the nay-sayers. Well, we shut them up and now all they can do is stand there in disbelief that we did anyway.

Now that's two things in my life that I can look back on and say to myself, "I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to." Actually, I don't care too much for that statement at all. I know that that I can accomplish nothing without faith and family and friends. I guess it's like a lot of things in life. The initial decision, sometimes the hardest part, is very personal. Only I can make the decision to change my life and to follow a healthy lifestyle. But once that decision is made in earnest, it's only through prayer and the support of friends and family that I can accomplish my goals. Heck, I may even need some PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! Where are you Catherine?

So, I've been consistent and stuck with the plan this week. I "ran" Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Tuesday was rest. Now, finding time today to get my exercise in is going to be a challenge but I MUST get through this first week on plan. I need a small victory right now.

My absolute only goal at this point is to lose this weight. Needless to say, I'm not looking at any running or racing goals right now. I did register for Houston back in January but I'm not stupid y'all. I do have a little bit of running experience, you know. I've run the numbers though and it's not unrealistic to be down to 275-280 by January. So my registration wouldn't be a waste of money, maybe by then I could walk/jog the half. Can you switch from the full to the 5K? Do they give massages to the 5K'ers? Anywho, let me now set my goals too hastily. I need to be realistic and thoughtful about this and not set myself up for failure. It took 8 months to get in this bad a shape. It's gonna take at least that just to pick up where I left off in October. Then there's a bunch of work after that so I've got to be in this for the long haul.

Speaking of the support of friends, thanks for the very, very encouraging words on that last post. I figured since I had fallen off the face of the blog world, I wouldn't get any readers at all. Anyway, thanks friends for the thoughts and prayers and support.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Staring at the screen

I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen, feeling very uncomfortable. It's funny because that's what I do for a living, stare at computer screens. But this screen is different. With this screen right now, on this web site, in this text box, I have a connection. It's a connection to a different lifestyle, to friends that I love, to a sport that not so long ago brought me joy and pain and health and strength and camaraderie. It's a connection, needless to say, that I've lost somehow, some way. And now, right this minute, I want so badly to re-connect. But some strange, ugly part of me that I hate keeps telling me to stay disconnected. I don't understand it. It's not what I want to do but I keep doing it anyway. The specter of embarrassment and failure and foolish pride wants me to stop right now and click that little X up in the corner like I've done so many times before. But I can't keep doing that. Enough is enough. I'm back at the end of myself and I can't stand it anymore. I think I'm finally to the point where I hate what I have become more than I hate the embarassment and hard work it's going to take to get back to where I was.

So, I think I know how I got here. As a matter of fact, I'm absolutely sure of it. It's GLUTTONY!!! I'm a glutton. I am plainly and simply a person "who over-indulges in and over-consumes food, drink, or intoxicants to the point of waste." [Wikipedia] I think I'm realizing that blaming it on being busy or on working too much or on anything else is just rationalizing. I am a glutton. Ah, confession IS good for the soul.

On to the updates. Well, here's the embarassing part. I've gained 50 pounds since the half marathon back in October. Yes, you read right. 50 POUNDS!!! I'm up just over 340. So, of the 80 pounds I lost, I'm back up 50. If I don't do something now, I'm going to be back at my all time high water mark of 370 and I think I'd have to jump off a cliff if that happened. Just kidding. And running, well here are my monthly totals this year:

...and November/December were just as dismal. It's like after the best race of my life, I just checked out. Anywho, vivid memories of those days still fill my mind and I have that to hold on to and motivate me.

Some of you may have heard a rumor that at the age of 41, I was going to be a new father. Yes, DW and I had a little surprise come into our life and for a while, it looked like major life changes were in store for us. But I'm sad to say that some weeks ago, DW miscarried and we lost the baby. It's been very difficult to deal with as we had no problems whatsoever with our other three children. It never occured to us that this would happen so it was a shock. But we're getting through it a day at a time. Of course, it's much more traumatic for a woman to go through all that. But DW is strong. She's coping well.

The project I've been working on at work is coming to a close. We are "going live" next weekend, followed by 3 weeks of hardcore 24/7 support. I was looking at my calendar and realized that I have not taken a day off from work in over a year. That is ridiculous. You can bet I'm making up for that starting in July. The good thing about this project is that no matter what EVER comes our way, no project will every be as demanding and as tough as this one has been. It kind of reminds me of the marathon. Once you've done one, you know there's nothing you can't do and everything else seems easy compared to that.

Finally, let me log my workout today. I almost said "log my miles" but I'm not quite up to the "miles" thing yet. Soon, enough, right?

Venue: Fairfield lakes and neighborhood
Workout: 5 min walk (warmup), 8x60/90 (jog/walk), 5 min walk (cooldown)
Total distance: 1.9 miles
Average pace(including walking): 18:07

Congratulations to Bill on his comeback and on his return to racing at the Astros RftP. And thanks for checking in Pony. You're the one that got me thinking about all this. This time is for real. IT HAS TO BE!!!