Not pleased with myself

Let me get one thing straight right out of the gate here. I'm not displeased with my time for this this morning's 5K. Frankly, I had no time goal at all and figured if I just did what I was supposed to do, the time would be what it was. There's really not much I can control as far as the actual time result of my 5K. I can't control the weather which was a huge factor today. But what I can control is my mind and that is where I'm not at all pleased with my performance.

I arrived at the race feeling REAL good, coming off a few good nutrition days and a couple of nice runs on Wednesday and Thursday. My weight was down around 296 and I was well hydrated. I had a good warmup and stretch and was ready to roll. I took off and got in a pretty good groove early. I was running hard but not CRAZY (I thought). Just under halfway, about the time you're supposed to start "hurting" in a 5K, I began to THINK about taking a walk break. I started to THINK about saving some 'till the end. I started to THINK about this 5K really not meaning much since it was so hot. All this THINKING!!! I dropped from a 12:26 pace for mile one to a 13:27 pace for mile 2. I HATE that I didn't ATTACK this race. I'm not pleased with my thoughts at all and my lack of real toughness. Right now, at 300 pounds and as slow as I am, my mental toughness is really all I have going for me. I really feel like it wasn't my body that gave out. It was my mind.

So, on a more positive note, I did finish pretty well the last .75, thanks to Maurice who came back and paced me just off Cedar Creek. I'll tell you what, Maurice knows what he's doing bringing a struggling runner in to the finish. He said all the right things, ran me on the tangents, and was a big motivation for me. Thanks, dude. Also, I felt NO pain in my ankle and knees and besides sheer exhaustion, felt really good. Finally, it was just FANTASTIC to see Amber and meet Mark and to visit with Elisa and Will and Matt...and...oh, I can't possibly name them all. It was just great to see my friends. And congrats on an awesome race, Will. The circle is now complete. When you left me, you were but the learner; now *YOU* are the master.

As for the race, well in my opinion, they get an A+. Great band. It looked like there was some incredible food although I didn't have any. Water stops were well serviced. The course was really nice, shaded even. Oh, and they had runners' showers at the finish in case you needed to cool down and to quote a good friend of mine, "That didn't suck!!!"

I've got some stuff to work on in July. I need a solid, consistent month of weight loss and running. I've got to put it all together and I mean now.