Wednesday, November 04, 2009

It was a LAPSE not a RELAPSE!!!

Back in 2007, after knocking down a PR at the Koala Half Marathon and finding myself well on my way to a sub-6 hour marathon in January, something happened. Work was crazy (and I mean CRAZY), I got busy, the holidays came, blah, blah, blah, . I dropped off the radar. I started gaining back all the weight I had lost. I stopped running. And spent the better part of the next year falling back into all my old habits and gaining just about ALL of the 75 pounds I had lost. I had a major RELAPSE!!!

Disgusted with myself, I got back on the wagon and have worked very hard this past year to FINISH what I started back in 2006, to get healthy and lose all this FAT. After some success, about a month ago, I started getting busy, concentrating on work, stretching myself too much, blah, blah, blah and started down the same destructive road that I traveled in 2007. I can't understand my behavior other than to just say that I'm a food addict. A compulsive eater. A self-destructor. A habitual starter who never finishes anything. I think deep down inside, I don't believe I can do it. I don't believe I can actually accomplish the goals that I've set for myself. With all this STUFF staring me down, the only thing I have going for me is my absolute disgust with where I was and how I felt back in 2007-2008. This time, fear, despair, disgust, anger, all these "Dark Side" emotions made me stop and take inventory of where I was headed. I promised myself, Jan, my kids, and God I wasn't going back there and by golly, I'm NOT!!!

So, I got some help from Catherine who is as much a life coach for me as she is my nutritionist. I got my shoes back on and got out and ran. I CLEARED my calendar of just about EVERYTHING between now and January 17 so that I can focus on my health and fitness. I let some really close friends know exactly what I'm going through. I'm pulling my support system as close to me as possible. And I'm praying. I think by God's grace that I'm back from near disaster. I'm back to HIGHLY motivated and feeling good. Looking back at this last 6 weeks, it's going to look like a blip, just a LAPSE, a temporary setback.


Humble Runner said...

You inspire so many people, including me. Now it is time to inspire yourself. You made a great first step by writing down your thoughts and feeling on the blog (face book doesn’t count because you can’t reflect on you writing). Blogging is the perfect way to evaluate where you have been and where you are going...not to mention a little accountability. We all know you can do it; we simply need you to look in the mirror and see what we see... A CHAMPION!

TX Runner Mom said...

Vic, we all know you can do this. You just have to believe it too. We all have a lapse every now and then, the important part is that you've acknowledged it and you are moving forward in the right direction. You are awesome and you will do this!