It was a LAPSE not a RELAPSE!!!

Back in 2007, after knocking down a PR at the Koala Half Marathon and finding myself well on my way to a sub-6 hour marathon in January, something happened. Work was crazy (and I mean CRAZY), I got busy, the holidays came, blah, blah, blah, . I dropped off the radar. I started gaining back all the weight I had lost. I stopped running. And spent the better part of the next year falling back into all my old habits and gaining just about ALL of the 75 pounds I had lost. I had a major RELAPSE!!!

Disgusted with myself, I got back on the wagon and have worked very hard this past year to FINISH what I started back in 2006, to get healthy and lose all this FAT. After some success, about a month ago, I started getting busy, concentrating on work, stretching myself too much, blah, blah, blah and started down the same destructive road that I traveled in 2007. I can't understand my behavior other than to just say that I'm a food addict. A compulsive eater. A self-destructor. A habitual starter who never finishes anything. I think deep down inside, I don't believe I can do it. I don't believe I can actually accomplish the goals that I've set for myself. With all this STUFF staring me down, the only thing I have going for me is my absolute disgust with where I was and how I felt back in 2007-2008. This time, fear, despair, disgust, anger, all these "Dark Side" emotions made me stop and take inventory of where I was headed. I promised myself, Jan, my kids, and God I wasn't going back there and by golly, I'm NOT!!!

So, I got some help from Catherine who is as much a life coach for me as she is my nutritionist. I got my shoes back on and got out and ran. I CLEARED my calendar of just about EVERYTHING between now and January 17 so that I can focus on my health and fitness. I let some really close friends know exactly what I'm going through. I'm pulling my support system as close to me as possible. And I'm praying. I think by God's grace that I'm back from near disaster. I'm back to HIGHLY motivated and feeling good. Looking back at this last 6 weeks, it's going to look like a blip, just a LAPSE, a temporary setback.