One of THOSE stories...

I opened the drawer of running clothes this afternoon and pulled out a pair of those old shorts that are too small, just to see if I had come any closer at all to being able to get them up over my huge arse. Well, I wiggled and I squirmed and lo and behold with a little effort, I got them on. They were still pretty tight but they got the ok from DW and I was pleased. I thought I probably wouldn't be able to get them off so as long as I've got them on, I may as well go run, right? I had to take DD into town to spend the night at her cousin's so I headed over to the park after dropping her off.

I was thinking all morning that I sure don't feel like I did a long run yesterday. I felt GREAT!!! It may have something to do with the hour and a half massage I got yesterday afternoon, a Christmas present I never used until this weekend. Anyway, I didn't want to wake up tomorrow and wonder again if I worked hard enough. So, I decided I'd REALLY do an long run. I set out to run the whole loop. Not worried about pace at all. I just wanted to make it all the way around.

I did some stretching (not much for fear I'd rip my shorts) and then headed out. It was about 90-something degrees and I was sweating like, well, like everyone else. I kept a steady slooooooow pace according to the Garmin. The only time I stopped was to get water. And don't think I didn't get water EVERY chance I had.

Here's where the story turns into one of those stories. Please beware. I'm going to give you ample warning to back out of this one. So, have your mouse ready.

...I've been on a diet, right? Well, actually more of a lifestyle change.

...my nutrition has changed drastically over the last two weeks.

...I've been getting plenty of veggies, right?

...but, the past couple of days, I've been feeling a little constipated. (Now's your chance to close your browser.)

...this morning before church, I decided to take a couple Dulcolax, a mild cleanse if you will.

...this afternoon, at about mile 1.8, I was painfully reminded that this morning before church, I had a couple Dulcolax.

...Yes, it hit me on the back side of the Memorial loop (no pun intended), as far from my car as I could possibly be.

...The tennis center is closed. Then men's bathroom was so messed up, it was not usable. The port-a-potty's were at the end of a couple day's use and really not an option for what I needed. So, I got in the car and just tried to make it home.

Now, every one of these stories I've ever been able to make it to the end of (again, no pun intended), has ended with a "just-in-the-nick-of-time, I made it" or "another few minutes and it would have been ugly." Well, my story didn't have such a happy ending...

I just can't continue. It's too painful. And if you've made it this far, I have serious concerns about your sanity. Ok, ok! I'll tell you the ending (no pun intended). Let me see, how can I put this? I don't want to be too graphic but I want to capture the conclusion accurately for any of you that made it this far. Ok, here it goes...

...I almost made it.

The end. (No pun...well, you get it.)

Weigh-in 7/20

3.4 lbs. lost this week.

Blew past my 2 lb. goal so I'm happy. The vacation is over. Back to work tomorrow. Gotta get up a little earlier to get my workouts in. Goal for next week - 2 lbs. lost.

Ho-Hum

Got up this morning and weighed. Yes, the scale is still moving. Oh, yes, it's moving DOWN!!! Good question. I had a bowl of GoLean and a big glass of water and I was out the door.

Yes, I have a plan and it's a good plan. Patient. Safe. Not too much too soon. But it still challenges me and builds up every week. But you know, on the way in to the park, I was feeling good and wondering if I should (or could) just throw today's 1.5 miles out the door and try to run the whole loop. Now, here's where the two sides of me get into heated debate. After much back and forth, I decided to go ahead and do the entire loop but only run 1.5 miles, then brisk walk the rest. And that's what I did.

So, I made it all the way around the loop. I ran for 1.5 miles continuous. I ran for 22 minutes without a walk break. I'll take it. A pretty good jumping off point for next week.

Good to see June there at the end of her run. I did not recognize her. June, you look mahvelous!! Also saw the Steplers and a bunch of other familiar faces. Good times.

A little cross training

...a very little.

After running two days in a row, I decided to jump on the bike this morning for some exercise. I knew it was going to be tough and I set my expectations at reasonable. I figured if I could stay on the bike, pedaling, for 20 minutes, that would be a good start for my first ride in a long, long time. I don't know where I got that estimate but it turns out it was just about right 'cause I am worn out.

So, my wind was fine, just aerobic, and my legs did ok although I definitely felt it. But DANG!!! My arms and shoulders and chest feel like I just got out of the gym. Of course, my upper body NEVER gets any kind of workout. I remember even back when I was running strong, my legs were steel but my upper body was jell-o. I guess from a holistic point of view, my new healthy lifestyle needs to include some upper body work, be it calisthenics, pushups, dumbbells, or riding that bike.

I'm looking forward to my run tomorrow. I know these runs I'm executing in these early stages sound like just 20 minute runs or just 2 miles but the effort is there. I've got to start somewhere and the good thing is that I'm leaving feeling like I actually worked out. Of course, there was a day when I wouldn't even break a sweat running for 20 minutes. (Actually, this time of year, you break a sweat just putting on your shoes.) But we're not looking back, right? Just looking forward. Pressing on. And tomorrow will be a big step for this NEW RUNNER.

I must want this

I was up at 5, out the door by 5:20, and almost to the beltway when I realized I have my banana, I have my Garmin, I have my water. I don't have any socks. And I just cleaned out all the socks from my trunk yesterday so I didn't even have a dirty pair to run in. I exited Senate and headed back home, got the socks, got back in the car and headed to the park. By that time, the traffic was really starting to build up and instead of getting to the park a 5:45 like I had planned, I arrived at 6:45. Oh, well. The temps were creeping up as the sun was already well over the trees. Still, it could have been worse and was a lot better than yesterday's 8:30 run.

I really felt good this morning and probably went out too eagerly (fast) because I was ready to start walking half way through my 2nd 10 minute rep. But instead of quitting, I relaxed my shoulders, relaxed my stride (if you want to call it a stride) and just kind of zoned out, trying to get this one done. Mission accomplished. I'm tempted to mention that my pace was about 30 seconds better than any workout the last 2 weeks, but I'm not going to mention that. Of course, it's not about pace, right? It's about the weight loss. Still, looking forward to Saturday, I'd better ease up and keep a consistent effort if I want to do my 25 minute continuous run. That'll be a pretty big deal for me.

The scale continues to move. I'm already at my 2 pound weight loss goal for this week and there are 3 days left. Hope to post another big number on Sunday.

Later

R.I.P

The last of the running shorts bit the dust this morning. I like to say they had a "blowout". That means that the inner thigh finally wore so thin from my legs rubbing together that they finally just disintegrated. LOL!!!

They were good shorts and sadly the last pair of BIG running shorts I own. Unfortunately, Asics decided to make a change. See, the 2X short that used to fit a 48" waist was no good I guess. Now it's been "redesigned" and 2X now fits a 43" waist. I acually have 2 pair of the new design in my drawer. I was able to fit in them last Fall. But now I guess I have a ways to go before I can get back into them.

Fear not, though. I shall not be detoured.

By the way. I LOVE these little bags:

It's a hot one

DW decided to take off work today with me so we both slept in and layed around until about 8, talking and stuff. But no skipping workouts, right!!! That would be a waste since I'm not injured, not sick, not overly-fatigued, and frankly felling VERY good. So, I grabbed an apple and a bottle of water and headed down to Memorial Park. Yes, it costs a lot in fuel but let's face it. I like to run there and if that motivates me to run, like June says, it's worth it and I'm going to drive the 50 miles round trip to do it. Besides, I just recover a lot quicker and better after running on the soft surface. Plus, there's just something familar about the loop there at Memorial Park, something I can't place my finger on. And I need that familiarity right now, that routine. That's one of my first goals is to get all the way around that loop again and to get comfortable with a nice, easy 3 mile run.

Of course, the absolute #1 goal that trumps all other goals at this time is to get this weight off. I can't see myself setting any lofty running goals yet until I get a handle on this weight. So, as much as I'd like to start racing and training and such, I'm so far away from that now and I don't want to lose sight of my weight loss goals right now. Don't get me wrong. I'm going to be getting back to the racing scene as soon as possible but it's still way to early to start thinking about that.

The nice thing about losing weight is that your running improves very quickly. That's a double edged sword because you feel better and better but you still need to do the work of building up those bones, ligaments, tendons, and cartilage. So, I'm going to continue to plan my work and work my plan which the rest of this week calls for 2x10 minutes with at 3 minute brisk walk between reps and a 1.5 mile continuous run on Saturday. It seems so silly to call it a long run but that's what it is.

Anon: You're right about the gumbo. The thing with the gumbo was I knew when I ordered it what I was getting and given the small serving size, I was willing to accept it. The real complaint was the slather of butter I wasn't expecting to be dumped over my grilled fish. Like Tiggs said, I should ask more questions before ordering. All in all, you're right. I shouldn't expect anything else from a restaurant like Pappadeaux's. I'll steer clear of that one in the future for sure.

What's wrong with you people?

Not you! I'm talking to the chefs and restaurant managers out there who insist on thwarting EVERY attempt I make to eat right. For the second time in a row, I've ordered what COULD have been a good, lowfat meal but when it came out, it was prepared without the health-conscious in mind.

I visited one of my favorite restaurants today, Papadeaux's, with my mom for lunch. I was going to be good, for sure. I ordered a cup of seafood gumbo and the lunch portion of grilled catfish. And I sub'd mixed vegetables for the dirty rice. Well, when the fish arrived, it was grilled alright. But it had about 2 tablespoons of garlic butter melted over the top of it. I didn't want to send it back so I "soaked" up all the butter with my napkin. The thing about it was the damage was done. The fish had soaked up much of the butter. Unbelieveable. A guy just can't catch a break. Anyway, the fish was scrumptious and I'm glad I didn't get the dinner portion with even MORE butter. I've got to learn to spell it out to the waitress. "I-M O-N A D-I-E-T!!! No butter. Nothing fried. Nothing with sugar. Only grilled. Got it?

Let the vacation begin!!!

I started day one of a well-deserved vacation with an early AM run at Memorial Park. Wanting to beat the traffic, I set the time on my alarm to 5 am. But I forgot one little detail and here's a helpful hint for all you runners in training out there. When you set your alarm, don't forget to also TURN IT ON! No, my alarm did not go off as planned but here's the good news, a sure sign I'm staying motivated a little over a week into living a healthy lifestyle. I woke up on my own at 5:50, checked my clock and immediately jumped up out of bed and out the door I went. I haven't been that motivated in a long time and frankly, now that I got up, got out, did my thing, and am back, I feel pretty good about it. I know it's a little thing but I feel like I accomplished something this morning. A little step but a step nonetheless.

Speaking of motivation, it is so motivating to me to see all the people out at Memorial Park. A lot of training groups, clubs, and even individual trainers out there working their peeps into a sweaty lumps of fatigued flesh. I'll never buy that stuff about Houston being the fattest city in the country.

So, two miles in the log book. I'm sticking with my 2x10 minutes of continuous running during the week. I hope to wean myself off of walk breaks withing the next week or two and get back to continuous running. I know. I know. There are a lot of proponents out there of the run/walk interval thing and I don't disagree with any of that. And maybe I've never given it a fair chance but the 3/1 or 5/1 or 10/1 thing has never been my cup of tea. I'm not ruling it out as a long term strategy though. I think it's great for losing weight because it can really extend your workouts. We'll see. I'm taking this a day at a time.

Later.

Weigh-in 7/13

4.8 lbs. lost this week. An excellent start, well over my 2 lb. goal. Now, the challenge is staying consistent for another week. Goal for next week - 2 lbs.

Shopping trip

Daddy's had a bit of $$ burning a hole in his pocket for about a week now. So, I went on a shopping trip this morning. Should I be good? or BAAAAAAD!?!

Choice #1 (VERY BAAAAD!!!):

...but very GOOOOD!! I've been wanting this kayak for 3 years now but just have never had the money. Today may have been the day.

Choice #2 (Every Badder!!!):

Another item I've been wanting for a long time.

But, I settled on paying some bills off instead. But not before I splurged on a couple of small items for Daddy.

and...

Guess that was the responsible thing to do. We'll get some bills paid and Daddy still feels like he got to splurge a little bit.

Good times this morning at Memorial Park. I got a late start but it was still bearable. It was good to see some familiar faces and to pound some familiar granite. Speaking of granite, I just want to state what most everyone already knows but running on a softer surface, especially for a beginner and a heavy beginner at that, is so much easier on the knees and ankles that running on the concrete. I actually felt good after my run today and my joints have not been painful. I highly recommend when it is possible to run on softer surfaces.

I've been doing all time-based workouts since I started back. Had I known that I was .04 miles away from 2 miles, I sure would have gone for another half a minute or so. But as it is, I did just shy of 2 miles. Still at 2x10 minutes with a 3 minute brisk walk between reps. 5 minute brisk walk warmup and cooldown makes for a good half-hour workout.

I continue to eat well. I've been going strong now for 8 days straight with no hiccups. Well, at least making the effort. I slipped slightly this afternoon but had the best intentions. DW and I wanted to try out a new restaraunt that opened here in Cypress, something-something-Grill. I don't remember the name. I ordered grilled pork chops with a dinner salad and black-eyed peas. Well, when they brought the chops out, they were garnished with melted butter and garlic poured right over the top. And the black-eyed peas were obviously cooked the way they're supposed to be, with a generous ham hock and diced pieces of bacon. Wow!!! I almost sent it back. But I put the chops on another plate and actually blotted them with some extra napkins we got from the waitress. I downed the side of black-eyed peas. No harm done. Besides, this was a late lunch/early dinner so I'll probably just do a smoothie or a salad tonight, something lite.

Tomorrow is weigh-in. I think I'm down 4 or 5 pounds on the week. I hope so. May be more than that. We'll see in the morning.

Later.

On a roll!

Good, healthy lifestyle for going on a week now. A little bit of exercise. A lot of watching what I eat. I'm feeling positive and motivated and it's showing on the scale. It's going to be a good weigh in on Sunday. I think I'm going to CRUSH my weekly weight loss goal of 2 lbs. Ah, the early days of a diet. They are sweet!!!

I got out to run tonight even though I was on call. I took a chance and carried my pager with me. I made it through the workout without being paged. I was feeling pretty good tonight so I skipped the 5 minute interval which was what I had worked up to and skipped ahead to 2x10 minutes of continuous jogging, which I had planned for Saturday. So, I jumped the gun a bit in the schedule but I made it and I feel fine. Give me a few more weeks and I'll be back to running continuous miles at a time (1 or 2 to start of course).

I'm taking off work next week. It's the first day off I've had in over a year and I'm taking 5 or 'em. Not much special planned. I hope to get some running in but not too much. I'm getting a massage on Tuesday. It was a Christmas present that I haven't used since I got it in December. Other than that, I'll probably just end up doing a lot of taxi service, running the kids here and there. I hope to get the kids down to the beach one day. Maybe up to Huntsville another day. Just taking it easy, trying not to think of work 24/7.

Peace!

Can I just say...?

I've been doing a lot of dwelling today. Even tonight during my workout, I dwelt on the obvious...

I used to weigh 285 lbs. Now I weigh 340. I used to run 3 miles as a WARMUP. Now I can't run 2. I used to be able to go into Luke's Locker and find shorts and shirts that fit me. Now, I can't wear running shorts 'cause they're too small. Last Fall, I broke 10 minutes in a mile time trial. Can't do that now. I used to be able to go up 5 flights of stairs at the parking garage at work without even breathing heavy. Now, I'm doubled over by the time I reach the top. I used to be flexible. Now, I can barely touch my toes. I used to inspire people. Now, I'm an embarrassment.

OK, I just had to get the last of that CRAP out of my system!!! That's it. I'm done with the negativity. Seriously!!! No more looking back. Only looking forward!!! The only looking back now is to remind me that possibilities can become realities if I just do the work, make the right choices, be consistent. I CAN!!! (God, give me strength, please.)

FYI, another good day today. One bad thing...I skipped breakfast. But you know, if skipping a meal is the worst slip up I have all day, I'm in good shape. I'm up to 3 intervals of 5 minutes continuous running with a 3 minute brisk walk in between, all preceded and followed by a 5 minute brisk walk. All in all, a little less than 2 miles in about 30 minutes. I definitely feel like I"m making progress. Not 2 or 3 weeks ago, 90 seconds of continuous jogging was all I could muster at a time. I know it's real progress because I've been down this road before. This exact road. The difference now is I know what's ahead. There's a lot of uncertainty to anyone who is trying to do a 180 and live a healthy lifestyle. I have the fortune to have been there before. And it wasn't so long ago that it's still not vivid in my mind. I'm liking this start. I'm liking how I"m starting to feel just after a short period of time. Still, I have a long way to go.

Staying POSITIVE!!!

Breaking Old Habits

No, I haven't been running 25 miles/week. I haven't been setting any PR's lately. I haven't put more than a small dent in the weight I've gained over the last 8 months. What I have been doing is trying, trying, trying to break old habits. Habits like every time I go to the store for something, also getting a candy bar, or two. Habits like dwelling on work 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Habits like raiding the refrigerator between meals. Habits like checking my work e-mail all day long and responding to every question immediately. And working on my single worst habit of all. SAYING I'LL START MY DIET TOMORROW!!! SAYING I'LL START RUNNING NEXT WEEK!!!

I've had some small victories this week, particularly the last couple of days. One, we had our famous family July 4 Bar-B-Q yesterday, complete with brisket, sausage, ribs, potato salad, mom's homemade mac-and-cheese, chicken and dumplings, chocolate cake, and ice cream. Quite a menu, huh? This is how I grew up. This is how my family ALWAYS eats. And it may sound gross to folks used to a "normal" diet but I LOVE this stuff. Of course, it's best followed by a late afternoon nap followed by a repeat on the chocolate cake. Well, It was painstakingly difficult but I made my own meal and ate it before the good stuff was served. I wanted to get stuffed so that there would be no temptation at all. So, I blackened 3 tilapia filets in the grill pan and steamed a big Zip-n-steam bag full of fresh veggies with salt and pepper only. Zuchinni squash, yellow squash, onion, bell pepper, broccoli all steamed to perfection. It was about 3 or 4 cups of veggies by the time it was all said and done and I ate every bit and the fish was scrumptious. Mission accomplished. I just watched everyone else eat and never craved anything. And fortunately, everybody took home the leftovers so I'm not staring at the goodies all weekend.

And there were two victories in one day. I was going to Walgreen's to get a bag of ice before the celebration yesterday. I guess I fell asleep in the store or maybe I was in some sort of daze but I awoke to find myself on the candy isle, staring at a box of Reese's Big Cups. I actually had the candy in my hand and was reaching for a second for the short trip home. But I fought old habits, threw the candy back on the shelf, and ran as fast as I could to the checkout with my ice and got the heck out of there.

Then today, I was faced with my mother of all old habits. I was out cruising with the fam and the subject of going out to eat came up. Someone mentioned Chili's and I immediately started thinking about a Smokehouse Bacon Triple-the-Cheese Big Mouth Burger with fries. I was thinking, heck, it's July 4th. I'll start my diet next week...start fresh with a new week. Then, I said as long as I'm starting next week, we may as well go to Natalia's for my favorite 3 beef enchiladas with a full order of guacamole salad. Mmmmmm!!! I acutally turned right and headed with the family in the direction of Natalia's. However, at the entrance to the freeway, I stayed on the feeder. The fam exclaimed, "WHERE YOU GOING, DAD?" I broke the news that plans had changed yet again and we were going with plan A and heading back to Chili's. I had the Guiltless Chicken Platter. 580 calories and I must say it was good. Not as good as the Big Mouth Burger but satisfying nonetheless. I ended the evening with a really good workout at Memorial Park. It was quite a nice evening.

To those that don't have an eating disorder and who are not habitual gluttons, it's hard to explain how intense the urge is to keep following the same old habits. I mean putting that Big Cup back took every bit of will power I could muster. And forgoing my favorite enchilada feast for some grilled chicken and veggies just...well, I frankly don't know how I pulled that one off. But you know, I remember a day not too long ago when my life was lived by a completely different set of habits. I remember a day when I just couldn't stand not to get my Saturday morning long run in. When I didn't check my e-mail at all when I wasn't in the office. When eating fresh fruit and veggies every day was a must. When the only computer "work" I did on the weekend was blogging and reading running blogs. When I actually enjoyed drinking water all day instead of coffee.

So, I didn't break any records this week but to me, it was just as dramatic as a PR. I took a few small steps towards conquering those old habits.

It's downright nice out

I must say that the last couple of mornings have been almost pleasant. Good week to start exercising.

This will be short and sweet. I did some walking this morning. DW isn't helping things much as she made my favorite chicken and dumplings for lunch. It was the the 6 year old's birthday party so the family came over for lunch and I wasn't prepared. Next time, I need to plan ahead and make something healthy for myself to eat while everyone else eats what they eat.

Later

I see the light!

Well, I spent some time this afternoon reading through old blog posts. I started at the beginning. The first blog post. That was almost 3 years ago. With just an ounce of character and a little stick-to-it-ed-ness, I surely wouldn't find myself sitting here today in just as bad a shape as I was when I started running in 2004. I'm afraid this is my last chance. My last chance to get this done...Once and for all! If I don't go all the way this time, I'm not sure I ever will.

So, my project at work is over. It'll be official Tuesday or Wednesday this week. It has been quite a ride. So, this week starts my new life. It's gonna be wierd having 4-8 extra hours in a day to do the things I need to do, the things I should have been doing this past year, the things I have to do. This weekend's been a good start. I got up and ran this morning and had a good breakfast. I'm still very tired from the past month or two. I think it's going to take a bit of a recovery period before I'm back in balance.

That's all for now. See you at the track.

Holy crap! When will it end

I just finished a 90 hour work week. Now, today, I'm going on 13 hours. It's stopping tomorrow. No more putting out fires. If it ain't getting done in a 10 hour shift, it ain't getting done.

I promise. I'll be back real soon.

The last mile

I'm down to the final mile of the marathon that is Pathnet Millennium, the project I've been working on for 25.2 miles, uh, I'm mean 2 years. Although I take full responsibility for my weight gain and fall into the abyss of an unhealthy lifestyle, this job, this project has taken its toll on my life. It's worn me down. It's caused me to lose focus on what's important. And I'm basically a stress eater. Let's face it. Plain and simple, I have an eating disorder. And the stress from this project has been HUGE. Now, I guess, I'M HUGE!!! :) But it's all coming to an end. In 4 days, we are flipping the switch and we'll be LIVE. Although it's been hard and my team has sacrificed much, I'm very proud of what we have accomplished. This was one of those projects where all along the way, THEY said it couldn't be done. Right up until just recently, all you could hear were the nay-sayers. Well, we shut them up and now all they can do is stand there in disbelief that we did anyway.

Now that's two things in my life that I can look back on and say to myself, "I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to." Actually, I don't care too much for that statement at all. I know that that I can accomplish nothing without faith and family and friends. I guess it's like a lot of things in life. The initial decision, sometimes the hardest part, is very personal. Only I can make the decision to change my life and to follow a healthy lifestyle. But once that decision is made in earnest, it's only through prayer and the support of friends and family that I can accomplish my goals. Heck, I may even need some PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! Where are you Catherine?

So, I've been consistent and stuck with the plan this week. I "ran" Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Tuesday was rest. Now, finding time today to get my exercise in is going to be a challenge but I MUST get through this first week on plan. I need a small victory right now.

My absolute only goal at this point is to lose this weight. Needless to say, I'm not looking at any running or racing goals right now. I did register for Houston back in January but I'm not stupid y'all. I do have a little bit of running experience, you know. I've run the numbers though and it's not unrealistic to be down to 275-280 by January. So my registration wouldn't be a waste of money, maybe by then I could walk/jog the half. Can you switch from the full to the 5K? Do they give massages to the 5K'ers? Anywho, let me now set my goals too hastily. I need to be realistic and thoughtful about this and not set myself up for failure. It took 8 months to get in this bad a shape. It's gonna take at least that just to pick up where I left off in October. Then there's a bunch of work after that so I've got to be in this for the long haul.

Speaking of the support of friends, thanks for the very, very encouraging words on that last post. I figured since I had fallen off the face of the blog world, I wouldn't get any readers at all. Anyway, thanks friends for the thoughts and prayers and support.

Staring at the screen

I'm sitting here staring at the computer screen, feeling very uncomfortable. It's funny because that's what I do for a living, stare at computer screens. But this screen is different. With this screen right now, on this web site, in this text box, I have a connection. It's a connection to a different lifestyle, to friends that I love, to a sport that not so long ago brought me joy and pain and health and strength and camaraderie. It's a connection, needless to say, that I've lost somehow, some way. And now, right this minute, I want so badly to re-connect. But some strange, ugly part of me that I hate keeps telling me to stay disconnected. I don't understand it. It's not what I want to do but I keep doing it anyway. The specter of embarrassment and failure and foolish pride wants me to stop right now and click that little X up in the corner like I've done so many times before. But I can't keep doing that. Enough is enough. I'm back at the end of myself and I can't stand it anymore. I think I'm finally to the point where I hate what I have become more than I hate the embarassment and hard work it's going to take to get back to where I was.

So, I think I know how I got here. As a matter of fact, I'm absolutely sure of it. It's GLUTTONY!!! I'm a glutton. I am plainly and simply a person "who over-indulges in and over-consumes food, drink, or intoxicants to the point of waste." [Wikipedia] I think I'm realizing that blaming it on being busy or on working too much or on anything else is just rationalizing. I am a glutton. Ah, confession IS good for the soul.

On to the updates. Well, here's the embarassing part. I've gained 50 pounds since the half marathon back in October. Yes, you read right. 50 POUNDS!!! I'm up just over 340. So, of the 80 pounds I lost, I'm back up 50. If I don't do something now, I'm going to be back at my all time high water mark of 370 and I think I'd have to jump off a cliff if that happened. Just kidding. And running, well here are my monthly totals this year:

...and November/December were just as dismal. It's like after the best race of my life, I just checked out. Anywho, vivid memories of those days still fill my mind and I have that to hold on to and motivate me.

Some of you may have heard a rumor that at the age of 41, I was going to be a new father. Yes, DW and I had a little surprise come into our life and for a while, it looked like major life changes were in store for us. But I'm sad to say that some weeks ago, DW miscarried and we lost the baby. It's been very difficult to deal with as we had no problems whatsoever with our other three children. It never occured to us that this would happen so it was a shock. But we're getting through it a day at a time. Of course, it's much more traumatic for a woman to go through all that. But DW is strong. She's coping well.

The project I've been working on at work is coming to a close. We are "going live" next weekend, followed by 3 weeks of hardcore 24/7 support. I was looking at my calendar and realized that I have not taken a day off from work in over a year. That is ridiculous. You can bet I'm making up for that starting in July. The good thing about this project is that no matter what EVER comes our way, no project will every be as demanding and as tough as this one has been. It kind of reminds me of the marathon. Once you've done one, you know there's nothing you can't do and everything else seems easy compared to that.

Finally, let me log my workout today. I almost said "log my miles" but I'm not quite up to the "miles" thing yet. Soon, enough, right?

Venue: Fairfield lakes and neighborhood
Workout: 5 min walk (warmup), 8x60/90 (jog/walk), 5 min walk (cooldown)
Total distance: 1.9 miles
Average pace(including walking): 18:07

Congratulations to Bill on his comeback and on his return to racing at the Astros RftP. And thanks for checking in Pony. You're the one that got me thinking about all this. This time is for real. IT HAS TO BE!!!

In the Saddle

Well, I don't know how many times I'm going to "start over." Tell you what! This will be the last time, ok?

I got out and did three miles this morning. What a beautiful morning for a run. A beautiful morning for racing too. Looks like June and Steve NAILED the Park to Park. Anywhooo!!! I ran a good loop this morning and feel great. I know I can't be where I was so I'm not at all hung up on running as fast as I was last October. But you know, that's one thing that motivates me is remembering the Fall and where I was, where I was headed. I really, really want that back.

So, put me down for 3 miles in about 41 minutes, just like the good old days. :)

Later.